The other day I asked my mom how she and dad chose the "company" or friends whom my brother and I spent our time with as little children?I shared with her a dilemma I was facing a while ago with a certain family; the sweet wife being a friend of mine. The problem with our friendship was that I totally disagreed with how she was raising her children: child-centered, no discipline, constant whining, complaining, and very selfish, spoiled attitudes. This friend wanted to get together for play-dates and family events, but I prayerfully decided to distance myself from her, simply because I didn't want Savannah and Alisa to pick up the incredibly bad habits and attitudes of her youngsters... Sometimes I wonder if I'm being too picky, but my mom assured me that regarding the topic of "association" or who our children spend time with, it's important to be "picky" if you will. My wise mother also reminded me that when you become a parent, your friendships are a package deal. You simply can't spend time with families, even if you enjoy the parents, who have children that are negative influences on your children.
Yes, we are to be salt and light, sharing Christ with the lost, and we are teaching our children to shine in this world of darkness... but our little ones are so greatly influenced by everything and everyone around them that we have to be incredibly careful. Tony and I continue to pray that the couples whom we choose to be close-friends with are like-minded, especially in regard to raising their children.
My mom also shared with me that she and my dad prayerfully chose friendships with couples who believed in training their children up in righteousness, were teaching a servant's heart and attitude in their home, were teaching their children to honor their parents, and who believed that the world didn't revolve around the latest cartoon, fashion statement, or "popular crowd." They were willing to be different, set apart, and had good character.
Once again, I'm very thankful for my parents and I continue to pray for wisdom in this area too. How do you handle the choosing of your child's friends or your own close-friends?
"Do not be misled: Bad company corrupts good character." 1 Corinthians 15:33
Labels: Family, Motherhood
11 Comments:
You have a very wise mother. This isn't alway easy, but it is right for your family,Sheri.
Sheri,
I can relate to your situation. I became a Mom a little over a year ago. My eyes were opened to the friends and family (sadly) that I had to protect my little girl from. It has been hard and other friends and family memebers have laid guilt but my husband and I know we are doing right by our faith and our family. Thank you for your post.
Hi Sheri ~
We have run into similar situations. My husband and I still keep in touch with a few couples who we've known since before any of us had children. Now that we have children, we still care very much for our adult friends but aren't real eager to get together with them because of the terrible behavior of their children. I don't know how to "get out of" getting together with our long-time friends. When we are invited to their home or to spend the day with them, how can we respond? One friend so sweetly calls and says "grab your calendar, what's a good day for you?" How can I tell her there really are no good days for us?? I just don't know what to say or how to respond... Any advice?
While, as you know, I'm unmarried, I understand you well on the subject, Sheri. It can be difficult to distance yourself from a friend who is nice to you and fun to spend time with, but might be a negative influence. I struggled with this more than once. If I'm ever blessed with children, I will undoubtedly be even more careful!
It is interesting to me that you have posted on this topic as it is one my husband and I have been discussing. Since we are "expecting" our first next spring, we have been talking even more about how we want to raise our children which is respectful, kind, loving, giving, and more than anything to love the Lord and act like it. We have been paying even more attention to the families we associate with and how their children behave. I wonder what advice your mother would have to those who commented who find it necessary to "avoid" families they once were friends with due to the behavior of their children? I don't have a mother who would be able to answer that, but I'd be very interested in your or your mom's opinion.
An idea: Why not find a babysitter for your children and the other family find a babysitter for their children. That way, y'all can go out as adults and enjoy eachother's company/fellowship.
protect your little onces no one else will.
I had friends I knew from school.and when I had children I stayed away from those friends cause they werent raising their kids to be good people.
they werent believers.
and I loved my kids and wanted above all for them to be saved.
the friends werent important my kids were.
your mom is wise.
"bring up a child in the way he should go and
when he is old he will not depart from it..."
my grandfather taught me about Jesus when I was only a little girl.I would sit on his lap and listen to "back to the bible" on the radio.he was saved only one week before he died.I was only 3...
it took till I was 19 to be saved.God answered my grandfathers prayer 16 years after his death.
one week before he died he was in the basement of our farm praying for the salvation of his soul and his family,s.and one by one we came in.
when I got born again the Lord said he called me to lead my family to him.I was scared and ran for a while.I even said Lord Iam the black sheep they will not even listen to me.
but when I gave in I started to tell them what Jesus did for me.and little by little each one has come in.
does it count who your kids hang around with?you bet it does.
have them hang with Jesus he is the best friend thy will ever have.for 37 years he has been mine.
I would have never made it with out him.
when they said I was going to die of cancer and had only 3 weeks to live.he came in my room and told me I would live.
that was 11 years ago.its been a long three weeks.I will go when its God,s and my time.he isnt done with me yet.:)
I have been very encouraged by your comments. Yes, we need to protect our little ones! And, Chris and Rebecca, I'm going to ask my mom's opinion regarding avoiding these families that we have been talking about.
My own actions have been to first, pray. Then pray some more. This is a tough situation. I pray that God will soften the hearts of the other party and that their actions will change in parenting. I also pray that God will bring other friendships into their lives, since we have to distance ourselves.
In most cases I don't think it wise to come out and tell these people that we don't want our children around them. I believe that would be hurtful and rude. We just have to slowly let them go.. remembering that as mother's our first priority is to our husband and children. Not to our friends.
Oh, I don't feel like I've said anything specific enough, but I will talk with my mom and get back to ya'll on her answer too.
And Rebecca, CONGRATULATIONS!!!
isn't it wise to show them how to raise children in a loving family? This is also possible without getting your children involved, I think. Looks very difficult to me, this dilemma!
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Sheri, I hope you get these late comments. I don't mean to bother you, but I'm wondering if you were ever able to have this discussion with your mom about how to avoid or distance your family from those families you don't want your children spending much time with.
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